by Nadia Ramoutar  MMM Communications Coordinator                    Ireland                         08.08.2026

I am at the hospital with my elderly mother in A & E, some parts of the world call it the Emergency room.  It is hectic, loud and there are not enough beds for all the patients or professional staff to deal with them in this busy city.  My mother is having trouble breathing and she has arrived by ambulance. We have been here overnight – and she still does not have a room.

My older sister is coming to relieve me soon, She has to take her oldest son to the airport. On the phone, her voice is strained and she feels guilty that she is not where I am. I am ringing to check on my own son. I am acting calm and reassuring my mother she is in the best place.

I check my emails. Why? I don’t know it’s really not helpful. I should eat something but I am trying to watch my weight. I have an annual check-up with my GP in a few days and I know I have probably gained weight on my holidays recently. I am annoyed with myself. Someone is yelling down the corridor. And instead of feeling upset by it, I try to have compassion for them that they are distressed.

The truth is I also feel like yelling or crying or something, but I can’t. I stay calm and be kind to my mother who is watching me closely because she does not trust the medical staff. I am the canary in her coal mine. If I am calm then she is calmer. If I lose it she will go sky high. So I won’t.

Recently, I listened to a podcast and heard the term “Window of tolerance” . It is a metaphor, introduced by Dan Siegel, a psychologist in 1999.  Sometimes we are in a space where we can no longer cope. This is useful in realising that feeling overwhelmed is part of life but a many headed monster that can cause a variety of responses in people. We all have different responses to overwhelm depending on many factors.

 Some of the symptoms of feeling overwhelmed:

• Irritability and Anxiety.
• Feelings of Hopelessness.
• Difficulty Concentrating.
• Sudden Mood Swings.
• Withdrawal From Social Activities.

The challenge is that some of us can’t see out the “window of tolerance” to acknowledge that we are not in a good space – sadly this can lead to choices which actually make life harder for us. In acknowledging my overwhelm I am able to cope better. I can use the techniques or ways to make myself feel less overwhelmed. I take a short walk and go and get a coffee. I find a quiet place and I take deep breaths. I cry a little if it helps. I call a kind friend.

Overwhelm can be crippling but it is rarely permanent. Knowing our window can help us to grow it and make us more compassionate to ourselves and other people.