Sometime after moving from Boyle to Dundalk in 1954 a few neighbours in our estate – Muirhevna – remarked to my mother that my face seemed to be growing very round. They said it in a way that meant I was sick or something. This needed a trip to our doctor who believed there was nothing wrong with me at all and that I was a lovely little girl and so good at answering his questions. Well, they weren’t hard questions for me! The good thing was that the talk of my round face got me a trip to Dublin by train with mammy and a neighbour on December 8th when all the “down country” women went to the city for their Christmas shopping. I was being specially treated and looked after by being brought along whilst my siblings spent the day off school at home in Dundalk with Daddy. They said it was not fair.

I was very excited as I had only ever been in a train twice before; this was a very long journey from Dundalk to Dublin with about 6 stops at different railway stations before we reached Amiens Street in Dublin. When we got into the train Daisy our neighbour (who used to be a Protestant and then turned into a Catholic) started to say the rosary out loud. We had to join in. I was really shocked as we always said the rosary at home every evening and it was called the “family rosary.” I never knew it was said in a place like the train and so out loud that other passengers knew we were praying it. I wondered if every Protestant turned Catholic was holy like this. Do you know?

We stopped at a place called Dunleer and a crowd of people rushed into the train carrying shopping bags as well as handbags. They must be going to Dubin too I was thinking. Then without asking us or anything two smartly dressed ladies sat opposite us; they knew each other and arrived together talking and they kept on talking. The talk was loud and we could hear it. I saw mammy sleeping and Diasy was reading a prayer so I was the one listening to their chatter.

They were talking all about Eileen who one of them said had a big ego and it went everywhere with her; well, they were agreeing that her  ego was around at some big meeting they had and it didn’t leave at all. Then they spoke about a man called PJ who they said had an ego too, but he managed it very well and you wouldn’t notice it but they agreed it was there. Brid they said had no ego, just went to the meeting and said what she had to say – full stop. I was sorry mammy was sleeping ‘cos I could have whispered to her to ask what an ego was. It seemed so important and I didn’t think it was such a nice thing. But then they said that Eileen wouldn’t function without her ego and how most times they thought she represented them well. I didn’t know what “represented” meant but it seemed alright. So now it was confusing for me because in this way the ego was ok, even good. Oh, I wished I knew about this thing they called the ego because it was all they talked about from Dunleer to Dublin and they were such stylish ladies. They both wore high heels & jewellery.

We went to many shops in Dublin and mammy & Daisy bought a lot; one shop called haberdashery sold all kinds of things like needles and special thread and various patterns for sewing and embroidery. Mammy liked these shops as she was very good with her hands. As I looked around the shop, I kept thinking this might be the kind of place that sold ego but I didn’t ask as I was too shy to do this. I wondered where ego was sold. I saw no shop notice anywhere with “Ego for Sale” written up and I was looking everywhere; this was what I did all the time in Dublin.

When I got home, I knew I could ask daddy – he was so good with answers and very quick too. We had to take Daisy home, so I didn’t get to ask him at the railway station and then once home we had to tell my sisters and brother all about the day, the shops, and the train journey so I didn’t mention it. Later that night I was alone in the dining room with daddy and mammy and I asked about ego. There was no quick answer; this was a surprise to me; they always knew things. They looked at each other searching for an answer for me and then mammy said something about two lady passengers in the train talking something about ego. So, she heard even though she was asleep. She always heard!  She then said she remembered this word from a lecture in college but now forgot what the lecture was all about; daddy then told me not to worry  saying if it were something I needed he knew I was a smart little girl who would find it in time!

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